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Scars Chapter 5 I made a pot of coffee and settled down with a cup on the couch. I told myself if Arliss showed up, I didn’t wanna get caught upstairs sound asleep and in my underwear, but I think I just didn’t wanna sleep in our bed alone. It was real quiet. I guess you get used to being with other people. I’d lived by myself a long time before I met Lynn, and didn’t think anything about it one way or the other, but I sure didn’t like being alone in the house now. I’d been on the road a good portion of the last twenty-four hours. Shoulda been tired, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Nothing to do but wait. And think. Always too much time to think……. . . . I can’t say I know what’s gonna happen in the morning. Lynn looked like somebody who’s just had enough. She’s different now than she was when I met her. Not entirely different, just some. She’s older. She doesn’t put up with as much crap from me as she used to. She stopped apologizing as much. Some’s the same. She’s still just as beautiful. Just as classy. Still somebody way outta my league. If she can’t take it anymore, I figure one of us‘ll have to leave Bisbee, and it’ll have to be me. Not sure I can stand that. Not seeing the kids. Starting all over by myself. I don’t wanna do that. I suppose if I leave town, Richard won’t waste any time beating it to my front door. Lynn’s front door. Not mine. Or somebody else I haven’t thought of. Can’t see her having to live alone too long. Imagine coming back to visit the kids and seeing her with another man. How could I stand that? But she’s unhappy with me. I’m making her unhappy. Dammit. Never wanted to do anything but make her happy. I guess I can’t. I guess she needs……somebody who’s not like me. Don’t know what I coulda done different. Don’t know how I coulda made it easier for her. It’s not like I screw up on purpose. Shooting at Patty was pretty bad, though. Five years ago, I’da never shot at an innocent woman. Never shot anybody I wasn’t aiming at. Always made sure I knew who I was aiming at before I shot. I guess if you don’t have anybody to shoot at for a long time, you get outta practice. Or maybe I was just spooked. When I was in L.A., criminals didn’t spook me. I caught ‘em, or shot ‘em, or beat the shit out of ‘em, but I didn’t have nightmares about ‘em; didn’t worry about ‘em coming after my family. Not spooked. Miss Robideaux called her a witch. Witches were for Halloween, to scare the kids. Miss R. didn’t seem like the type to believe in fairy tales; but she said she knew what the things were that had been carved into my skin. At least one of ‘em. A witch or a crazy bitch, same difference, I guess. Hope she shows up here tonight. Wanna get my hands on her and be done with it. Gonna have to be more careful from now on, though. Not go popping off at the first sight of black hair. Jesus Christ, I coulda killed Patty. The telephone woke me up. It took me a minute to figure out what the noise was. The clock said one. Didn’t remember falling asleep. I grabbed for the phone, worried that it was Lynn or Arbutus; only reason for them to call this late would be a bad one………Said hello…….. “Say that again,” she said. “I love the way you talk.” Her voice sank deep inside me. My entire body remembered it. The fingers of one hand curled into a fist, the fingers of the other tightened around the phone; the places on my chest and back where she left her marks ached, my skin crawled………. “So…..growly and untamed,” she said. “Like a feral animal. I wanted to let you loose, you know, but Tony said no.” “Did you always do what Tony said?” She giggled. “Not always.” “What do you want?” “We didn’t get to finish, sweetheart.” “No,” I said. “We didn’t.” “And then Tony dragged me clear up to Montana. It took me a long time to get back to you.” “Where are you now?” A small silence. I listened to her breathing into the receiver. “I’m close by. You’ll be seeing me soon.” “Why not tonight? Why don’t we finish it tonight?”
“Mmmm, I’d like that.” Her breathing changed, quickened, deepened. “I think about you, Wendell. I look for you in my dreams.” “Tell me where you are.” “Patience. It’s not time yet. The moon’s not in our favor. We want everything to be just right.” A pause, and then she said, “I wanted to untie you. After I realized what you are.” She sounded wistful. “A wild thing shouldn’t be bound. I’ve been thinking about it and I know now that all your energy was stifled. That’s why the sigil didn’t work as it was meant to. That’s why your leg was broken.” She knew about my leg. What else did she know about? “When will the moon be right?” “Will you come to me?” “Yeah. I will.” “Will you bring your boy? He’s such a pretty one.” A chill. Breathe, keep breathing. “No.” “I suppose I can find someone else.” “Nobody else, just you and me.” “You’re so sweet, Wendell. It’s hard to wait, I know.” Her voice became low and intimate. “It’s going to be so good. Much better than last time. You know that, don’t you?” She waited, but I didn’t say anything. Thought for a minute I was gonna lose the coffee I’d been drinking, but it stayed down. “It’s so hard to find a man that wants what I want,” she said. “It was just the ropes that came between us before, wasn’t it?” Took a coupla deep breaths. “Yeah.” “Mmmm, I do love your voice. It’ll be soon, I promise. I’ll be seeing you, sweetheart.” And she hung up. Took me a minute or so to hang up the phone. She wanted Charles. Just like in my dream. Another minute to stop being such a pussy, to start thinking. I dialed 0. Had to wait quite a while before I heard a sleepy voice on the other end. “Virginia, you’re sleeping on the job.” “I am not!” she said. “And anyway, look what time it is. What are you doing up at this time of night, Bud?” “Trying to get some information outta the operator.” She laughed. “Shoot. What do you need?” “I just got a call here at the house, and I need to know where it came from.” “Well……let me see………um…….that can’t be right; it came from Ron’s Sinclair, out there by the Dairy Dreme, but he’s not open this time of night.” “That’s all I need. Thanks, Virginia, go back to sleep.” No point in getting Ron up outta bed. If she was still there, it could be dangerous for him; and if she wasn’t, then he could wait till morning to report the break-in. And I thought about driving out there myself, but by the time I got there she’d be long gone. I made another pot of coffee. No sleeping now. Just more thinking…. . . . She’s not a witch. She’s just nuts. No reason to be any more spooked by her than I’d be by any other lunatic with a pair of scissors. Haven’t decided what I’m gonna do with her when I find her. With my old man, I had years to think about it, and when it came down to it, I didn’t do any of the things I’d thought about. All I wanted to do, in that moment, was get rid of him and forget about him. Maybe that’s what’ll happen this time. I’ll know what to do when I see her. I like women. I’ve loved some, and I like most of the others. Women beaters are the scum of the earth; and the only time I’ve ever hurt a woman on purpose was that time with Lynn and I kinda feel like I wasn’t thinking straight then. So this whole thing with Arliss is kinda confusing, ‘cause she looks like a woman; I’ve seen her naked and she’s just as good to look at with her clothes off as with ‘em on. She sounds like a woman; her voice is pretty, her laugh is tinkly and sweet. She smells like a woman, and God knows I like the way women smell. But I don’t think of her that way. Seeing her naked didn’t do any more for me than seeing Tony naked. ‘Course, I was in some pain at the time, and I don’t feel much like sex when I’m hurting. Unless it’s Lynn I’m with. I can make love to her just about any time. Arliss just doesn’t seem like a woman to me. I wanna hurt her. Like she hurt me. I wanna hurt her back. But maybe when I see her, I’ll just…….I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I got through a half pot of coffee before the doorbell rang. I think my nerves were settling down, I just went to the door, I didn’t even consider it might be Arliss; after all, she wouldn’t ring the bell. Would she? On the other hand, who the hell would be at the door at this time of the night? Fucking Richard. I left the door open and walked away. “Bud? Can I come in?” When I didn’t answer him, he came in anyway and followed me into the kitchen. “The Rev said you called for me today. I thought I’d come over and see what you wanted.” I poured myself another cup of coffee and stood by the stove while I drank it. “Is there…..is there something I can do?” His eyes were bloodshot, his hands were shaking a little; he looked like he needed a drink. “It’s three in the morning. I needed somebody yesterday afternoon.” He looked down at the floor. “Look, Bud, I know you’re still mad at me---“ “Yeah. So what’re you doing here?” “If you’d let me explain what happened—“ “Explain what? What is there to explain? You jumped my wife. That’s pretty simple.” “I don’t know what Lynn told you, but it wasn’t like you think---“ “I don’t care what it was like. Lynn didn’t tell me anything, because I didn’t want to know. I still don’t.” He sat down in a kitchen chair. He was just about as pitiful-looking as I’ve ever seen him. If I was a nicer guy, maybe I’da felt sorry for him. “I’ve lived in Bisbee all my life. Never been anywhere, never done anything. I couldn’t get in the service. All I’ve ever done was live in Bisbee and build things.” I thought about throwing him out before he got to the “please feel sorry for me” part, but I’d had a tough day. I didn’t have the energy. I just let him talk. “Nancy and I went to high school together. I fell in love with her almost right away. She hated me at first. Had to work pretty hard to convince her to marry me.” He stopped and rubbed his face with both hands. “Damn. The Rev told me I have to tell you some of this stuff, so you understand. He says I have to let go of my pride.” Pride? He had pride? That why he came to my house that one night smelling of puke and stale whiskey, so drunk he couldn’t stand up? Yeah, sure, he had pride. “I’ve never had a lot of friends. Nancy says it’s because I’m a jerk. I can’t seem to help it.” He ran his finger under his nose. “And then you asked me for a job. I never met anybody like you before. You’ve been all over. You’ve done things. And you acted like you liked me. You laughed at my jokes. Some of ‘em. You put up with the stupid things I did. Most of ‘em.” He stopped talking and fidgeted for a few seconds. “Is this gonna be a long story? ‘Cause I got a lot on my mind right now. You know? So if it’s gonna take a long time, maybe we could do it next week. If I’m still alive then.” I think that confused him. “Well-----I just don’t want you to be mad at Lynn.” “I’m not mad at Lynn.” “I didn’t wake her up, did I?” OK, I got it. He wanted to see Lynn. “She’s not here.” “Oh.” He thought about that for a while. “Oh. It’s not because of me, is it? Cause if it is---“ “No. Not because a’ you.” “OK…….well…….” The hell with it. What else did I have to do the rest of the night? “So go on with the rest of your story.” I poured myself another cup of coffee. He swallowed hard. “You seemed kinda special. I looked up to you.” Gimme a break. “When you disappeared…..I couldn’t believe it. I felt like…….if you were dead, if somebody like you…….if you were beaten, then what chance did I have? What was even the point of trying? You know?” “Trying to tell me you were beaten by life because I was dead? What a load of horseshit. I suppose you were drunk when you came up with that idea.” He heaved a big sigh. “OK. That wasn’t exactly it. Dammit. I just missed you, OK? I thought you were dead, and I was sad, and I missed you. A lot.” He looked up, like he wanted to see what I thought of that. Looked back down. “And I came over here, I told Lynn I wanted to make sure she was doing OK, but I was lying, I came over because I was…….sad.” That sounded like maybe it was the truth. “And we were sitting on the couch, talking about stuff, and then talking about you. And I was feeling real bad, and then the next thing, Lynn’s blowing her nose, and she’s got tears running down her face, and I just…….I just wanted to make her feel better. Maybe myself too. That’s the only reason I did anything. I would never have----“ “Richard. Don’t tell me anymore. OK? I got the big picture. I don’t need the details.” “I know you think I came here trying to get her into bed, but that wasn’t it, honest to God.” I kinda believed him. “And after I left, I felt even worse, so I went out and got stinking drunk, but it didn’t help.” “Telling Nancy about it was really stupid.” “Yeah. Actually I didn’t tell her until I needed an excuse for being out all the time. I told her I was with Lynn when actually I was doing something else.” “Uh-huh. And she’s mad at me because---?” “I told her you wanted me to take care of Lynn. And do stuff for her. And be there in case she needed me. You know, take care of her. And…….I think maybe I told her you introduced me to the guys down at the pool hall. The guys in the back room. I figured it’d be better if it came from you. She likes you, you know.” “Not any more.” “No.” “That doesn’t explain why you had to tell everybody down at the Clamdigger that you were the father of Lynn’s baby.” “Actually I don’t remember doing that.” “It’s OK, everybody else that was there remembers.” I topped off my cup. Got another cup outta the cupboard and filled it up. Carried both of ‘em over to the table and sat down. “You have to be the biggest horse’s ass I know,” I said. “Yeah.” He frowned. “I was hoping you’d never find out. Sure glad the Rev was there, I figured you were gonna kill me. I had to go to the dentist the next day, did you know that?” “I’m crying.” “Well, it hurt.” He fidgeted some more; poured some salt out on the table and drew pictures in it with his finger. “I didn’t mean to do anything to you. I…..I…..like you. You know that. I never would have done anything---“ “Yeah, I know.” “Say…..what did you mean when you said, if you were still alive next week?” “It’s a long story.” “Oh. Umm…..I know you don’t have any beer in the fridge…….but if we’re gonna, you know, talk to each other again, and stuff……you wanna have a drink to celebrate?” I pushed the full coffee cup toward him. He sighed. “OK. Thanks.” He drank his coffee.
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