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Scars Chapter 4 I stopped to get some coffee at a little roadside diner. I wasn’t hungry, but I thought I’d better try to eat something, so I got a sandwich. And found out I was hungry after all, so I got a couple more to go, and a couple bottles of soda……and when I turned away from the cash register with my food, I saw her. Going out the door with a man…….Black hair……..long red fingernails……..shorter than I remembered, but I’d been sitting most of the time…….. I dropped everything and pulled my gun. Ran out the door after her. Caught up with her before she got in the car. Grabbed her arm, spun her around, stuck the gun in her face……… And it wasn’t her. Looked a lot like her, but it wasn’t her. I apologized, flashed my badge around and avoided a fistfight with the guy……walked back in the diner and sat down. Needed to calm down a little before I got back behind the wheel. The waitress was mopping up the floor in front of the cash register where I dropped the sodas. I guess the bottles broke. She sent me a look, but she brought me a cup of coffee. It was pretty quiet, waiting for them to make me another couple sandwiches. Everybody was watching me. A pimply kid slid in the seat on the other side of the booth, and said, “So you’re a cop, huh?” I thought about telling him to fuck off, but after making a strange woman pee her pants, and making a mess for the waitress to clean up, I decided I’d better be nice till I left. “Yeah.” “You’re looking for somebody like Juliet, huh?” He pointed out the window, I guess so I’d know who Juliet was. “What for?” I looked at him for a minute. Took a drink of my coffee. “Multiple homicide.” His mouth dropped open. “No shit? Like…what? She shoot somebody?” “She cuts ‘em up.” “Huh?” “And keeps part of ‘em sometimes.” He blinked. “What part?” I looked around, trying to see how long it was gonna be till I got my sandwiches. I was already itching to get back on the highway. “The part she likes the best, I guess.” He turned a little green. “What does she do with ‘em? The parts.” “If I catch her, I’ll have to ask her.” “The thing is,” he said, and swallowed hard, “a couple days ago?……I saw a lady that looked like Juliet, and I thought it was her at first, but then it wasn’t. It was somebody I didn’t know.” “Here?” He nodded. “She was real pretty.” Well, hell. “You see which way she went?” “West.” I nodded. “You remember her car?” He did. Found a pay phone, called Herbert at home and gave him the information on the car. He said he’d put out a bulletin on it tomorrow morning. I told him he better tell whoever was on patrol tonight. “Well……Bud……if this person is dangerous, I don’t think Albert should try to apprehend her. Do you?” “He could call it in if he sees the car, couldn’t he? He could call me. He oughta be able to do that.” Herbert allowed that he might be able to do that. Got back in the Buick and drove. After the Rev took Richard into his house, I went there now and then. The Rev thought it’d help Richard to straighten out if I talked to him. I couldn’t see that it did a bit a’ good, but I showed up. After Lynn let the cat outta the bag, I called the Rev and told him I didn’t think it’d be a good idea for me to see Richard for a while. He didn’t ask me why. He just let me know how unhappy he was with me for letting everybody down, for being undependable, not thinking of other people, that whole speech. I didn’t wanna hear it, I hung up the phone. Fine, I thought. He wants me there, I’ll go. I don’t know if Richard was sober or not when I got there, but he looked better than usual. He was clean, at least, and standing up. Didn’t make any difference. Soon as I saw him, standing there, saying “Hey, Bud,” to me with that stupid smile on his face……..I lost it. “You sonuvabitch.” I aimed for his nose, he dodged, I connected, but not enough to knock him down. So since he was still standing up, I grabbed his shirt and hit him again. More than once. I think I accidentally got the Rev with my elbow once on the wind-up. I stopped partly because Richard landed a couple punches in my gut, and partly just because I was outta breath. Do a lotta sitting around if you’re a cop in Bisbee. I let him slump down on the floor. His nose was bleeding like somebody turned on his faucet, and one a’ his eyes was swelling already. The Rev got in my face, pushed me away from Richard. “This is my house!!” he said. “How dare you do that in my house!” He was angrier than I’ve ever seen him. Awful purple. Later, when I thought about it, it kinda worried me. If he’d had a heart attack right then, I’da felt like it was my fault…….. But right then, I didn’t think about that. I pushed him outta the way, and stood over Richard. He was holding his shirt tail up to his nose. “What the hell’d you do that for?” “What’d you do while I was gone?” He got up on his knees. “When?” “When I was in the mountains.” He frowned and got one foot under him. I gave him a push. With my foot. Hard. The Rev grabbed my arm, but I shook him off. “Jesus, Bud, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “When I was dead.” He looked up at me; looked at my face. His eyes got wide, he scrambled away from me; he knew now, yeah, he knew, but he tried again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” “How long did you wait before you went after her?” “Now---now, hang on, Bud----it wasn’t like that---“ “I didn’t think I had to worry about you. I trusted you.” He let his shirt fall and sat up. “Dammit, Bud,” he said, and started to cry. “You don’t understand—“ “Yeah, I understand, you whiny piece a’ shit.” And I leaned over and let him have another one. The Rev got in between us and grabbed my arm again. I let him push me back toward the door. “I don’t know what this is about,” he said. The Reverend was always a little slow on the uptake. “But I won’t tolerate this sort of behavior in my house.” “Yeah, OK, I’m going.” I nodded toward the bum crying and bleeding all over the Rev’s floor. “You’ll have to ask him what it’s about. Ask him how he behaved in my house.” So, knowing about all a’ that, you might be wondering why I bothered to call the Rev’s house at all when I was trying to find somebody to pick Charles up at school. I guess the main reason is ‘cause I’m soft in the head. The Rev came to see me and gave me another one a’ his speeches, the one about everybody making mistakes, and nobody’s perfect, and not judging people (yeah, I laughed at that one, too), and second chances and all a’ that crap. And then he started in on how sorry Richard was. “I bet he is. I bet he was afraid he’d have to find someplace else to live for free.” “Now, Bud. There’s no need to descend to insults. He’s not proud of what he did. Haven’t you ever done something you were ashamed of?” I didn’t have to think too long. “OK……yeah, I guess so.” The short story is, I got talked into letting Richard try to make it up to me somehow. Of course, he had to be sober to do that. And he wasn’t. End of story as far as I was concerned. It was dark by the time I pulled into Bisbee. I coulda used a cup of coffee, but the Dairy Dreme was closed; so was Roberta’s. I’d have to get one from Arbutus. At first, when I was thinking about what I’d do when I got back, I thought maybe I oughta go straight to my house and stay there, wait for Arliss to find me. I wanted to hold Becky, ruffle Charles’ hair, put my arm around Lynn, so I’d know they were OK, but if Arliss was watching for me (if she could “see” me like she said she could) it might be safer for everybody else not to. Then it hit me. If she could actually see me, she woulda known I wasn’t home when she called. Right? She wasn’t anything special; just another criminal. I was just spooked. She probably wasn’t even in Bisbee. It might not have been her on the phone at all. It coulda been a coincidence, some other crazy broad. Yeah, right. Arbutus’s house was all lit up. Five vehicles parked in the front. I had to park on the other side, by the barn. One of the cars I didn’t know. Outta state license plate…… I didn’t knock. Walked in, down the hall, into the living room…….and there’s a woman with black hair, standing right there…..Lynn and Arbutus and the kids all sitting on the sofa looking at the woman…….. She knew where they were all the time. Shit, she’d been here all the time. You gotta picture it---I walked in the door, Becky was screaming, Lynn just holding her, not shushing her; the woman reached into her purse for something, and I thought…….. I pulled my .38, pointed it at her head, said, “Freeze, you bitch—“ The woman pulled her hand outta her purse at the same time she turned around to look at me, and I squeezed the trigger……. And pulled up as the gun fired. Jesus fucking Christ. Another half a second later and she woulda been dead. As it was, the bullet just missed Patty’s head. Put a nice big hole in Arbutus’s ceiling. Lynn screamed, and then everybody was real silent for a second, even Becky. Jones and another guy I didn’t know ran in from the kitchen and stopped short when they saw me. “What the hell did you do to your hair?” I said. I lowered my gun and tried to get my heart to slow down. Patty’s mouth dropped open. She stared at me. For a minute. Her fists balled up, her mouth closed. She came at me and woulda punched me in the face, but I dodged. “You shot at me!!” She hit me on the chest. “You tried to kill me!” She hit me again. “Why’d you change your hair? I coulda killed you.” I let her hit me a couple more times. Then I put my gun in the holster, and my arms around Patty and hugged her hard. She struggled and started to cry. “You coulda killed me, you big stupid—“ “Yeah. And you’re supposed to be blonde.” “You shut up, you coulda killed me!” Then she let me hug her. Mashed her face against my shirt, wiped her nose on it, I think. Becky said, “Da. Dada. Dadadadada,” and squirmed off Lynn’s lap. Toddled over to me and put her arms around my leg. “Who do you think you are, Wyatt Earp?” Patty sniffled and grabbed my tie. “And you called me a bitch.” “I didn’t know it was you.” That wasn’t enough, and I didn’t need to see her frown to know it. “I’m sorry.” Lynn got up off the couch. She looked like thunder. I was in trouble. “Just because I changed my hair is no reason to shoot at me.” “I know it. I’m sorry.” I hugged her some more. “Why’d you die your hair black anyway?” I didn’t get to hear her answer. Lynn pulled Patty outta my arms, and then slapped me as hard as she could. I kinda knew it was coming, just stood still and took it; I guess I deserved it. Becky squawked. “Give me that gun,” she hissed.
“I know I made a mistake—“ “Give me that gun, or you can sleep by yourself from now on.” As soon as she said that, everything changed. It was serious before, yeah, I coulda killed Patty…….but this was a different kinda serious. I didn’t think she was kidding, I figured she meant it. I didn’t know what to say at first. Felt like she’d hit me outta left field. I used to wonder if she regretted it after she said it. Except for Becky, it was real still; everybody else in the room was quiet, waiting for my answer, I guess. Becky was jabbering, slobbering on my pants, waiting for me to pick her up. I said, “You knew I came with a gun when you met me.” “You shot at my sister!” That was true. I’d give her that. But then she started in on me. “I’ve had it up to here with guns. And cops, and policemen, and criminals and death……I’d be happy if I never had to see another gun in my whole life. I just want to live a normal life! Like everybody else. Can’t you understand that?” Arbutus picked up Becky, took Charles’ hand, and went in the kitchen. Becky squealed in protest; Charles didn’t do or say a thing, just went. I guess maybe I shoulda just given her the damn gun. I had another one. But it didn’t feel right to give in this time. “You told me you’d never send me away. Are you changing your mind?” Suddenly Lynn looked scared as much as mad. “I’m not doing what you want this time. I’m not giving you my gun.” Her eyes filled up with tears. “Do you love that thing more than me?” I shook my head. “You know better than that.” The gun wasn’t really the issue. We both knew it. She’d explained it to me in Arrowhead, when I wanted to follow Arliss to Montana. It was hard for her. I knew being in the line of fire when Rhonda was killed, getting covered with blood, hadn’t helped any. I think that ate at her for a long time. So it wasn’t the gun; it was just me, the way my life was. The crap that followed me, like my old man, and Rhonda; the things I screwed up. Getting in fights, ending up in the hospital. Getting crank calls from women who’d like to cut off my toes and make a necklace out of ‘em. It was hard being scared all the time. I understood that. Maybe it was too hard. And maybe shooting at Patty was the last straw. One screw-up too many. “Bud…..” She looked miserable. Held out her hand to me. I took it. “Why don’t you and the kids stay here tonight? I’ll go to the house. Come back in the morning.” That was what I was gonna suggest anyway. The hand I wasn’t holding turned into a fist. I didn’t expect her to be mad at me again so soon……. “Off by yourself again---taking your gun and going out to catch the bad guys. And never mind about the rest of us.” I let go of her hand. “There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t make it different than it is.” I leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. Headed for the kitchen. “I’m gonna say good-bye to the kids.” Patty’s head disappeared back inside the kitchen when she saw me coming. “So you think you can just come back here tomorrow and everything will be fine?”
I stopped. Took a coupla breaths. “What are you saying? Are you telling me not to come back?” Turned around. Waited. Tears ran down her face. She shook her head. “Then I’ll be back in the morning.” “Unless you’re dead.” “What do you want me to do? Do you want her to come here?” She shook her head again. “Then I’ll be back in the morning.” The kitchen was silent. Patty was standing by the guy I didn’t know, sniffling and chewing her lip. “I’m sorry,” I said. “You big goof.” She gave me a hug. “Just don’t do that again.” In her ear, I said, “Your hair looks real nice.” She tried to chuckle; it came out more of a hiccup. “This is Brian,” she said. I held out my hand. “Brian.” He hesitated before shaking hands; I suppose this was making him think twice about Patty. I had to hope I hadn’t screwed something up for her again. I thanked Jones for helping out; he said he was glad to do it. You woulda thought we were talking about fixing somebody’s porch. He said he and Arbutus had talked about it, and he was planning on staying the night, so I didn’t have to worry. There wasn’t any back-slapping; there wasn’t any smiling. I guess neither of us felt like it. Becky held out her arms and I took her off Arbutus’s lap. “Hey, baby doll.” Her kisses were still pretty juicy; we were trying to teach her to pucker up instead of licking, but she was stubborn. I guess she liked doing it her way. I heard “Dadada” all the time. I liked it. She called Lynn “Mam”, and Arbutus “Bubba”. Charles was “R”. It was pretty cute. Arbutus got up and started making another pot of coffee. Charles didn’t look up from the floor. “Hey, pardner,” I said, and crouched down in front of him. “You’re gonna stay here with Granny, and I’ll be back in the morning.” “Yeah, right,” he muttered. I put Becky on the floor. “So….that mean you don’t believe me, or you don’t want me to come back?” “I don’t like it when Lynn’s mad.” He had tears in his eyes when he looked at me. “She hit you. She didn’t spank me even when I wrote on the walls.” He wiped his nose on the back of his hand. “If I was you, I’d feel bad. Maybe I wouldn’t wanna come back.” “You think I’d lie to you?” He shook his head. “I’m gonna be back tomorrow. You can believe that.” “Why can’t we all go home together?” I was hoping he wouldn’t ask me that question. Didn’t know how to explain it to a little guy. “I know it’s tough, Charles. I just have to make sure it’s gonna be safe before you go back.” He nodded, but he didn’t look happy. I ruffled his hair. “It’s gonna be fine. Don’t worry.” Arbutus gave me a hug, too, before I left, and then she surprised me. Once in a while she gives me a kiss on the forehead, or on the cheek, but this time she looked at me with worry in her eyes, and kissed me on the mouth. Quick, but not too quick. She walked to the sink and started washing up. Didn’t look at me again. Lynn wasn’t in the living room when I walked out of the kitchen…….. I figured if she’d wanted to say good-bye, she woulda been there. But she wasn’t. I drove home.
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