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Fathers and Sons Chapter 5 Don’t worry, she said. Don’t worry. I couldn’t help it. At breakfast the next day, Lynn said she was planning on having some friends over after supper to try out the new patio. “So you can get the grill on your way home from work.” “What grill?” “The one Sam’s got for us. Just go pick it up. Oh, and the patio chairs, too.” What I actually did was call Sam after I got to the station and asked him to take everything Lynn bought over to the house and leave it in the back yard. He said he would. We had a disturbance down at Ned’s, a nasty drunk to bring back to the tank and try to process, and a citizen threatening to shoot her neighbor’s cat, all before lunch. Lynn said she was gonna be busy at the shop with the new girl, so I grabbed a sandwich. I didn’t get over to the Doc’s place to ask him about the Rev till a little after one o’clock. Heard the talking from the examining room the minute I walked in the front door. It was almost yelling, but not quite. Kitty looked up from her typewriter, and gave me one a’ her big-eyed looks. “They’re in there,” she said, and pointed. “I was just thinking maybe I should call you. I didn’t know what to do.” I opened the door and walked in just as Lynn slapped the table, made the stuff on the shelves in the little room bounce. I said, “What’s going on here?” even though I kinda had it figured out as soon as I heard Lynn’s voice. The Doc was sitting with his arms crossed. I hadn’t heard him say anything yet. “All this time,” Lynn said with her teeth clenched. “You let him think that, and all this time, he was afraid I was going to die! I want you to tell him I’m fine.” I woulda put my arms around her, but she wouldn’t let me. She was mad. “You’re fine,” the Doc said. “Now. You’re fine now. But you’re not pregnant now.” Hope to hell not, I thought. “No, I can’t predict the future. But I’ve been a doctor a long time, and in my professional opinion, since you aren’t childless, the risk involved in trying to carry another to full term is greater than the benefits. I told Bud what could happen, what I believe will happen if you try it again.” The front door opened and shut, and somebody was talking to Kitty. “I don’t care,” Lynn said. “It’s my life to risk. I want another baby, and I don’t see where either of you should be able to stand in my way.” “Nobody’s standing in your way,” I said. “I already told you that. I just won’t be a party to it. It ain’t gonna be my fault if I can help it.” There was a little knock on the open door. “Are we having a party?” Arbutus asked. “Arbutus, you’ll understand,” Lynn said. “There’s nothing wrong with me wanting to have another baby.” Arbutus nodded. “Kitty tells me you been in here yelling about that for a while. Didn’t Lucius say that’d be dangerous?” “I don’t care!” “So have one. Who’s stopping ya?” Lynn’s teeth clenched again when she glanced at me. “Bud refuses to help me.” Arbutus nodded again. “So you’re having a tantrum ‘cause you can’t make everybody do just what you want.” She took a deep breath and let it out. “I think you and I need to have a little talk, missy. Sit yourself down, and pay attention. “You look at your husband, there, that you’re so mad at. That boy loves you. He loves you better’n you love yourself. He ain’t gonna do nothing to hurt you, if he can help it, and you oughta be thanking your lucky stars for it. If I’da had a man to love me the way he loves you, I coulda given up anything—anything--for that. Don’t you be scolding him for trying to take care a’ you. “And what do you think you’d have different if you had another one, anyway? Why’s it so important?” She didn’t look like she wanted to answer, but she did. “Becky doesn’t love me the way she loves Bud. I just want somebody---“ “Hold up right there. What makes you think the next one wouldn’t be just the same? And what is it you’re wantin’ Becky to do different anyhow? Don’t you want her to be her own person? She is how she is. I think you’ve got the wrong idea about children. Having children ain’t about them loving you. And they don’t do just what you want ‘em to do. None of ‘em. I think maybe what you want is a puppy.” Lynn’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t want a puppy.” “All right, then, a kitty cat. Although cats are pretty damn independent betimes, too. And they’re apt to scratch the kids. Speakin’ a’ which……let’s say, for argument’s sake, that you got pregnant. Let’s say the doctor here is right, and you died. Think about that for a minute. You'd be leaving your children motherless, just because you want somebody to love you different than they do. Does that make sense to you?” The Doc poked my arm right about then, and gestured for me to follow him out the door. We went to the kitchen, and he started a pot a’ coffee, and we tried not to listen to the women’s conversation. “It isn’t like Lynn, to lose control like that,” he said. “No.” “Do you suppose she’ll take something if I prescribe it for her?” “Is she sick?” “No, not exactly sick…….but medical science has progressed beyond just medicine for the sick. We have other kinds of things at our disposal now.” “Like what?” “I could prescribe something to help her be less…..emotional.” “What kind of a something you talking about?” That didn’t sound good to me at all. “Well……..something for female problems. A lot of women have……times when they become very emotional. Dissatisfied with their lives. Agitated. I could give her a prescription for something to help her stay calm.” “Oh.” Women things. Part of me wanted to ask some more questions……and part of me really didn’t. You know? “I don’t know, Doc, you’ll have to ask her. I think maybe I’d wait a day or two, though.” The Doc said he and Arbutus were planning on having a steak with us off the new barbeque tonight. Arbutus and Lynn were still sitting with their heads together when I went back to work. I forgot to say anything about the Rev’s behavior. I forgot to tell the Doc what he was doing, or to ask if he was ok. The Doc told me later it wouldn’ta made any difference, but he always said that, about everything I ever asked him about. Like there was nothing anybody could ever do. Even after that bit about helping Lynn be calm. Seemed like if it was life or death, there was nothing a person could do, but if it was somebody being mad or upset, that was different. Let’s fix it. Funny attitude for a doctor. I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to have people over the first time we tried out the new barbeque, but then I thought, how complicated could it be? Start a fire and cook on it. So the evening started out OK. The Rev showed up, and Richard, of course. Thought maybe Richard’d bring the woman he had a date with, but he didn’t. He was real quiet. Charles had asked Miss Robideaux, his teacher from last year, to come by. She came with Jones. There was a little something going on there, but they were keeping it pretty quiet. Couldn’t blame ‘em. Patty was still in Tucson, visiting Brian’s family. He seemed to take up most of her time these days. Good to see her happy. Arbutus and the Doc showed up early, so Arbutus could help Lynn with the salads. The Doc stood next to me while I was turning the steaks, I guess so he could tell me what I was doing wrong. Turns out he and Arbutus spent the end of the afternoon looking at houses here in town. I was a little surprised. “You and Arbutus getting a house together? You planning on asking her to marry you?” He looked uncomfortable. “Well…..we’ve talked about it, but……” “She ain’t said yes yet, huh?” He heaved a sigh. “No. The house is just for her. She hasn’t said anything lately about having me over, either.” Trouble in Paradise? I wondered how long things would last between the two of them. Both of ‘em pretty strong-willed. Apt to speak their minds. But not exactly running along the same track, if you know what I mean. “So she’s thinking about moving into town.” The Doc nodded. She hadn’t said anything to me about it. Maybe things were more serious between her and the Doc than I thought. It wasn’t till we were about ready to eat that things started to go wrong. We all sat down at the picnic table, and started passing the food around. We put the Rev in a lawn chair at the end of the table and let him say grace. I noticed his hands were shaking a little, his voice was shaking a little.…..I told myself to remember to ask the Doc about him before the Doc went home……. I don’t know what happened for sure, I was filling my plate, not watching real close. I don’t think Lynn tripped, I think the big bowl of macaroni salad just slipped, out of her hands and down on the new cement. It didn’t make much of a noise---could be the macaroni muffled the splintering of the glass---but the effect was pretty much the same as if there’d been a loud crash. The mood Lynn had been in lately didn’t help at all. I got up and went to help her clean it up and she growled something and pushed me away. Then she wiped her nose on the back of her hand. Then she threw down what she’d just picked up and put her hands over her face. Arbutus said, “Here, now, it’ll be OK. Ain’t no big deal. Me and Jenny can help you---“ That’s when Lynn started to cry. “I’ve ruined everything,” she sobbed. I picked her up off the cement and carried her over to the swing, still sitting in the middle of the grass by itself. She put her arms around my neck and let me do it. “Hey, baby, don’t cry.” Swinging, Lynn in my lap, trying to get her to look at me. She squeezed me round the neck. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “Now I’ve ruined the dinner for everybody.” “Nah. Nothing ruined. We got all that other food…..and it ain’t like this is a restaurant, anyway. Nobody gonna go home because they didn’t get macaroni.” I kissed her. “And I’ll make sure you get a tip.” She tried to laugh, but wasn’t very successful. “I love you,” she said, and sniffled some more. “I don’t know what’s the matter with me.” “It’s ok. Nothing to worry about.” The Doc musta followed us. He looked concerned when he came around to the front of the swing. “Lynn?” he said. “Aren’t you getting tired of this?” She nodded. “I might be able to help you feel more like your old self. Why don’t you come by tomorrow? I can give you a prescription—“ “Is she sick?” Arbutus musta been following him. If this kept up, pretty soon everybody’d be over here insteada sitting at the table eating. “No, she’s not sick. But I might be able to help her feel better.” “Everybody has a weepy day now and then.” “No…..only women. And I think this is more than just an emotional day—“ “If she’s not sick, then she doesn’t need medicine. Women get overwrought sometimes, but that’s how God made us. Emotional. That’s the way we’re supposed to be.” “Oh, so, it’s good for Lynn to get all upset over nothing and make everybody else uncomfortable, to say nothing of how she herself feels, is that it?” “Just because you don’t like it, just because you get uncomfortable, don’t make it bad! Being emotional ain’t bad, no matter what you think. Who the hell are you, anyway? You ain’t God, to say how a body oughta be.” I looked at Lynn. She looked at me. We got up and walked toward the house. Not sure what they were actually arguing about, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with us. “I can certainly see when things might be made better,” the Doc said. He wasn’t yelling yet, but it wouldn’t be long. “If it were up to you, everybody’d still be living in caves, and beating their clothes out on rocks.” We weren’t watching, we were up on the porch, going in the door, so we didn’t see it, but we heard the smack. “Oh, dear,” Lynn said, and turned around to look. The Doc was holding his hand to his face. “Why can’t you just let a person be how she is?” Arbutus said. And then, “Did you look down your nose at your wife the way you do to me?” “Oh dear,” Lynn said again. We weren’t trying to eavesdrop, but they were talking loud enough that we didn’t have to. “Why don’t we leave Alice out of this?” The Doc was about ready to go up in smoke. “Fine. Why don’t we leave me out of it, too?” She walked away from him, toward the picnic table, so Lynn and I went on inside. I sat and cuddled with Lynn for a few minutes till she felt better. She told me to go back outside, and eat my steak; she wanted to wash her face, and she’d be out in a minute. Charles was done eating already, I guess. He was busy setting up his toy soldiers in the driveway behind my car. Becky was sitting in the middle of the table, both hands in the bowl of baked beans, squishing ‘em through her fingers. Miss R. and Jones were just watching her do it. “Dada! Hi!” she said, and grinned. Arbutus was facing the other way, I guess so she didn’t have to see the Doc get in his car and drive away. I sat down next to her. “Want some beans?” I said. She looked back over her shoulder, and smiled at Becky a little. Not a happy looking smile, kinda tired. The Rev was working on the big pile of potato salad he had on his plate. He looked up, and said, “I see Lucius left without eating. Are Alice and Lucius fighting again?” Nobody knew quite what to say to that. Arbutus shook her head, and chuckled a little. “Alice is gone, James.” “Gone?” His forehead wrinkled. “Are you sure?” He put down his fork. “Oh.” “And if she didn’t go to heaven, after all those years a’ living with Lucius, then there ain’t no justice in the world.” I went back in the house to see what was keeping Lynn, and found her asleep on the couch. Covered her up and let her sleep. Cleaned up the macaroni salad on the patio. Threw my steak back on the grill and tried to warm it up a little over the coals that were left. Later, Jones and Miss Robideaux thanked me for a good steak and an interesting evening and left, and Richard loaded the Rev in his pickup and headed off. Arbutus helped Charles find his pajamas and get ready for bed, while I cleaned Becky up and put her in her bed. Arbutus had coffee brewing when I came back downstairs. “So you’re thinking of moving to town?” I asked her. Got a coffee cup off the shelf. She blew on her coffee, and took a sip. “Thinking about it…..You know, my granny used to pour her coffee out into the saucer to cool it off, and drank it that way, too.” She sighed. “Nothing wrong with that. Long as it worked.” “Well…..it spilled as often as not. And there were always dribbles running down the side of the cup. She told me the saucers when she was a girl were lots deeper. More like bowls, I suppose.” After a minute, she said, “None of us are getting any younger…..I was thinking maybe I ought not be living all by my lonesome anymore. I was thinking……” She stopped talking. I put my arm around her. She moved into my embrace without thinking about it, like she did it everyday. “Can you believe it? I was gonna try and love that stupid old fart.” She sighed. “And if you tell me there’s plenty more fish in the sea, I’m gonna have to give you a kick in the pants.” “I’d never say that.” She looked up into my face. “You wouldn’t, would you?” She touched my cheek with her fingers; there was stubble by this time of night, but she didn’t seem to mind, ran her fingertips along my jaw toward my chin. She had an odd look in her eyes. I didn’t know for sure what it meant. “You got an uncle, or an older brother, or something?” Said kinda wistful like. I knew what she meant then. She wasn’t really interested in my family. I set my cup on the counter and put both my arms around her. She did the same thing. After a minute, she said, “You’re a comfort to an old woman. And now I better be getting along home. It’s getting late. You’re a good man for listening to me complain.” “You know, Arbutus……if it was just me and you—“ “Hush. I know it. That’s why you’re such a comfort.” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek, like she always did; and found her purse and her sweater, and went out the door. I didn’t want her to go back to an empty house. But I couldn’t go with her, and I couldn’t ask her to stay the night. When it came right down to it, there wasn’t much I could do. And I didn’t get a chance to ask the Doc about the Rev.
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